Thursday, May 6, 2010

Juggling Growth

Q:  How do you manage having two (or more) men in your life?  I can't handle the one I've got!

A:  Developing one relationship can definitely be more than enough work for two people especially as is often the case only one of the people is actively "working on their stuff".  If you practice polyamory as several separate relationships and withold information by choice or at someone's request you will find it complex and often confusing.  However, I find that viewing each relationship as a special and unique part of a larger relationship is very helpful.  I am able to have the pet names and special memory moments with each of my guys but I can share and seek advise from them in general about the other partners.  They in turn can compare notes about what might be triggers for me or if I seem to be feeling overloaded and needing to talk as well as what my preferences are for lovely surprises.   I am able to talk with other women in their lives and get feedback that takes some of the strain of needing to "manage" my men and pry information or worse "feelings" out of them.  I find that if you don't individually work on your issues and evolve, it will be really apparent to the others that something is needing to be addressed.  When you hear the same message from several people you really hear it and you have to process the information (positive or negative).  This is true of an issue coming up with one of my guys too.  Either the feedback from the other guy is supportive of my observations and hearing it from both of us spurs change or the feedback is such that I alter my response to the issue.  In either case, change and growth are encouraged, supported and celebrated much more frequently than I found in monogamy.  The relationship structure is formative but also men & women drawn to this relationships style seem to be if not more comfortable with discussing issues and feelings at least more cognisant of the fact that they aren't going to be able to avoid it and in the end this very open communication style is highly effective in maintaining loving relationships for the long term.

No comments:

Post a Comment