Sunday, June 3, 2012

Family of Choice

Every relationship has its rough spots and truly all relationships require conscious effort to be happy and successful. Polyamourous relationships have more people to alert us to issues that might otherwise be avoided or back burnered in busy lives. The Polyamourous Misanthrope, a very wise long time blogger, says that most issues can be better addressed when the people involved have had a cookie, a nap and a blow job. Conflicts are much less oppressive when one isn't cranky from not having basic needs met. Another basic need is companionship. Crankiness is sometimes jealousy peeking out and while it is fundamentally important to schedule your time such that all of your partners get a reasonable share, the reality is that this doesn't happen all the time. Life and work schedules get in the way.
The last month has been that kind of a place in our house although I wonder about the impact of the stars or full moon because I've noticed that the last month has been rough on the temperament of many people I've encountered.
My one partner has been struggling since Mother's Day as his grieving for his Mom is still quite fresh and he misses his Dad and siblings a lot. It happened that all three of us had this weekend off and so we took a spontaneous four hour drive to visit his sister and her kids. We really couldn't afford to do it but we really couldn't afford not to do it. Our relationship as a triad was feeling the strain of schedules and exterior pressures. I forget that trio time is as important as time with individual partners. So we jumped in the car after work and I booked a hotel room by surfing on my iPhone and reserving online. Hooked the iPod up to the car speakers and all three of us sang all the way to Campbell River.
The next morning we took a quick ferry ride over to Quadra Island to visit the sister. Such beautiful countryside with rainforest and snow capped mountains. Quadra Island is a very laid back community and the people were most friendly. My partner's sister is a lovely gentle spirited but very strong woman. Her daughters are wonderful kids who are clearly well loved and well cared for. Single moms struggle 24/7 to be two people for their kids and never feel like they are adequate to the task but they just keep going. I remember. I don't have a birth sister but the connection with this woman was instant and strong and I feel like I've got a sister now. She was welcoming and when introducing us said this is my brother and his family who are my family now too. She was proud to share the relationship with the locals as we touristed around and chatted with me as if we had always known each other.

We thoroughly enjoyed our visit and my partner's heart is strengthened by his time with sister and nieces. Our trio is the better for time away, spontaneous adventure and the benefit you get for doing something for someone you love.

Today: Take the time to go the extra mile without measuring the pros and cons for once. Just do it because someone you love needs to know how much you love them. You need to take the time to love and be loved too.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone