Saturday, January 12, 2013

So what of dating...

Heard recently...
...There's this woman at work that flirts with me... 
...That guy I was chatting with wants to do coffee...
...Everyone in my polycule is dating and I suppose I should get dating too...
...It's been a long while since I was out on a date, anyone up for it?

The average single person whether  - monogamous or polyamorous -  goes on dates to develop a relationship that is hopefully long term or maybe just to have some company and/or friendly sex.  Why do people in long term poly relationships date?  We already have long term relationships, company and of course all that sex.  Tons of sex.  It is after all  - all about the sex. 

Could be we want more sex.... *s   i   g   h*

uh oh...where was I?  oh yeah reasons to date.

At least one of your partners is experiencing NRE and you must either go out on a date yourself or slap him/her because he/she is driving you nuts with all the bouncing around like a chihuahua in heat?   Or worse, you simply have to stop worrying about your partners' choices and whether or not this love interest is going to break their heart or treat them lovingly.

That and your other love interests are done tapping their fingers waiting for your schedule to clear and have started asking for ID whenever they do see you online.  There is enough of your luscious self to go around.  Don't be stingy with the boys/girls now.

Life is busy.  The life of a poly person can be beyond busy especially if they involved in poly community organizing.  Time is much like the waves and sand at the beach.  Activities fill the empty time as fast as the sand and water fill your footprints.  You will never find time unless you make time for the things you want to do.  Dating included.

Time is only one factor.  The expense of entertainment, transportation and looking hawt are hard to find in the budget for most of us.  And there are lots of  other reasons to procrastinate on an interest in dating others / new people.  Most of them boil down to just not addressing your own needs too.  When you are in a poly relationship you have more people's feelings to consider but you have to watch that yours don't get pushed aside.

I think dating new people is a lot like job hunting and just about as easy on the ego. The only upside to dating is that you can conquer nervousness by remembering that you are doing the hiring too.  So why put yourself through all that?  Meeting new people and getting to know acquaintances better is always a good thing.  The best long term relationships start with good times and good friends.

In Victoria, British Columbia we have the Victoria Poly Group Dating Group (see Facebook) which sets up activity dates for a group of friends hanging out.  Great way to meet new potential dates in a pay your own way and no expectations of anything way.  Takes a bit of the stress off of it all and keeps the cost down.

I encourage you to make 2013 the year of getting "a round tu it".   Dust off that list of folks you wish you had time to get to know better and ask one out for dinner or coffee or a movie.  Worst case scenario?  They say no or don't show. (No shows being very rude, btw.) Move on to the next one.  It may happen that you have a great time.    And ya never know...SOMEBODY is having all that sex they talk about in the media...could be you and you and you and you.   And me.

Now let's see... where's MY list??