Day 3 - We began with a scenic tour of South Eastern Ontario on route to Ottawa. We stopped in Brighton at Dougalls by the Bay which is a lovely and quite large restaurant at dockside. The owner is a much abused Maple Leafs fan and we commiserated briefly on being a martyr amongst the heathen. Lunch was terrific and we met DC's Dad and Step-mom.
Brighton through to Belleville is the area of Ontario that DC spent most of her youth although she also lived in Kingston for a few years. We got to see all of the historic life of DC locations and then proceeded to Ottawa.
It is very natural to watch such proceedings and ponder other ones you have experienced. D and DC related the fiasco that was their wedding. J and I were both able to contribute equally complicated twists to our individual nuptials. Several key family members on both sides had been tweaked to the fact that D and DC are no longer a couple and that D, J and I are a triad. It came up in conversation a few times while we were in Ottawa and the comments were all positive. We were however, very aware of being observed closely during the reception and in particular during the dance. I love to dance and so does J. I was up and dancing a fair bit, dragging D up several times and D's Dad who is quite flight of foot and very charming. It was a fun evening.
I watched D and DC interact and some of the old crappy communication formats were easy for them to slip into but otherwise all went well. I wondered if this might rekindle their marriage which would make for some interesting adjustments at home. D went out of his way to make sure both J and I felt included. He didn't need to do that and with the onslaught of family history and communication styles - I'm surprised and touched that he was able to do that. Being home with your parents at any age causes you to instantly be a teenager. You are always their baby no matter how tall you grow after all. I was a bit worried that the romance of it all would lead to a reconciliation for the moment and gone at light of day scenario which would be hurtful and a bit uncomfortable for the rest of the trip. However it seems that it has solidified a friendship and honouring of shared history.
I was also able to experience a shared history as well when the wedding photos were taken at the William Lyon Mackenzie King Estate which is within Gatineau Park as is Meech Lake. Both places have significance to Canadians. Mackenzie King being a former Prime Minister and Meech Lake being the location of the signing of the Meech Lake Accord which amended our constitution not so long ago. Mackenzie King was also my Great-Grandmother's nephew. Very cool to be sitting on his back porch pondering my participation in the political and legal processes of our nation.
Being around family sets off a lot of emotions for people and I had a hard time being an observer only of all that was going on as I became the preferred communication hub as schedules changed and old family issues arose. Mediation and event organizing being key skill sets, it was a natural response for me but I was concerned that I was stepping on DC's toes. I waffled between wanting to step away and wanting to help. I find sometimes with these men of mine that I tweak at the history they have with other people. It makes me sad that I missed that stage of their life but is that a form of jealousy?
Being poly is so complicated at times. I had to really look inside my heart and be true to the purpose of this leg of the trip which was the wedding and what the bride and groom wanted. I decided that I was sniffing for tinder and more worried that it would be a bad turn of events rather than a hot and steamy reconciliation. Not jealousy so much as maybe enabling co-dependancy. Standing back and watching people you love work out difficult moments and being cool with not interfering in any way is not compersion exactly. Maybe we need another word - antipersion? I dunno.
I was also thinking about how unfair it is that this kind of ceremony and affirmation of love is not legally available to those of us who have more than one love to celebrate. I let my mind wander to logistics of a ceremony involving J, D and I. It made me very sad on the one hand and sort of glad on the other because marriage is scary business. Funny how a piece of paper changes things so much in so many ways and not at all in others.
D looked verrrrrrrrrra sexy in his tux and I think we should purchase one for each of my menfolk just so I can take them off....ssssllllooowwwwllllyyyy. Bwahahahahaha. I love my men.