Monday, November 22, 2010

Standing Tall for what you believe

In all fairness, I've never been one to stand by and allow situations that are an affront to my sense of right and wrong to pass without some comment or action.  I've advocated for mental health consumer survivors, non-profit housing, single parents, battered women, and victims of sexual abuse.  I have taken on the woes of the bruised and broken-hearted and made some attempt to help, support and sustain them.  I firmly believe as Sonia Johnson said,
“One determined person can make a significant difference; a small group of determined people can change the course of history.”  

So it is not surprising to those who know me that I would weigh in on something so very personal as the freedom to love whom I please.  Here we stand on the eve of a historic moment for Canada, where we as free citizens in a democratic society can question the validity and fairness of our laws and request that they be reviewed, modified and struck down if necessary to ensure that the greater good of our community and the freedoms of individuals are balanced. 

It was with much thought and discussion with my family and friends that my partners and I put our three big toes into the pond of judiciary consultation.  I filed my affidavit as a witness on behalf of the Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association who is an interested party in the BC Supreme court case beginning tomorrow in Vancouver.  As preliminary to this case, we were interviewed by the Times Colonist and posed for photos.  The article is linked to this blog posting.   It has been picked up in  papers across Canada and actually had us on the front page of The Province.  This was somewhat of a surprise but the tone of the article while searching for a sexy scandalous edge is really quite positive and we are pleased with it.  This was definitely a nice balance to previous articles that appeared in the Vancouver Sun.  

We've received much positive feedback and some rather negative feedback.  I imagine that there will be more.  The following is one such note that came to me today by way of Facebook:

Dear Polly Amorie:
" I am just writing you to let you know that I read the article about you and your partners in the Times Colonist."
"I know you from Esquimalt and met you through C--- .
I was really surprised to read this article in the paper about you and your lifestyle.
Your probably are going to get some positive response and some not postive response.
To be quite honest I think the lifestyle you are living is not acceptable.
But that is my opinion.
But if the three of you are happy then all the power to you.
All you are doing is trying to justify that cheating on your partner is okay.
But its clear that none of you have respect for one another or for your relationships, and to live this lifestyle with your children in the house, you are giving them a wrong impression on what a healthy, committed , honest relationship really is."
"It makes healthy loving relationships look like a lie. You dont really love each other or your relationship, you love sex. Really, that is all your relationships is all about sex.
It was a disguisting comment you made that your men are heat seeking missles and you are the heat. And that your mother taught you to share. You are just living like a slut, sorry, but the whole article just sounds like its centered around sex. Yes , sex is a huge part of a relationship but you are all playing with fire because someone will eventually get hurt very deeply. As far as I can see you are all screwed up and have relationship issues."
"And if you live this lifestyle why do you need to broadcast it to everyone in the paper and want everyone to know what your life is like."
"I hope to God, that this lifestyle is never made legal. Its making a mockery out of relationships and marriage, and your children are going to never be able to function in a healthy loving relationship, because you are suppose to be their teachers and you are teaching wrong ways of living in a loving healthy relationship."

"Your article was disguisting, and you should all be ashamed of yourself. Please dont try and justify that any of this is a proper way of living , because its not."

"Your all in it for sex, thats it."
"J--- P---"

Dear J---P---:

Sex sell newspapers.  Of course that would be what is inferred by key parts of that story.  You can't imagine how difficult it is to sit and discuss your personal life with a complete stranger and a small tape machine.  You can't imagine how bizarre it is to be asked "who sleeps in the middle?". I have six children and people constantly ask me if I've ever heard of birth control.  One gets used to having random strangers feel they have the right, nay obligation, to advise you of your morality, or lack there of, in their opinion.  I did not go to the Times Colonist and ask to have my home analyzed for all the world to see.  I did see a law that is very vague and inclusive of many people who are doing no one any harm and are in fact building solid loving homes that produce children who are strong and able to contribute outstandingly to the greater community.  I did see a law that by criminalizing multiple partner homes has made it much harder for women and children who may be experiencing abuse to get the help they need by encouraging seclusion and secrecy.   I have called for the light to be shone on this law and the truth to be thrown onto the table for Canadians to see what is happening and find a new and inclusive way of dealing with all of these issues.   I don't think polyamory is for you or most other people.  I did not agree to be a witness for this case nor be interviewed for this article so that I might "broadcast" behaving like a "slut".  I did it to stand up for men and women who are happy and living a loving life to be free to do so without fear of prosecution and so that any  men, women and children who may be in abusive situations are able to seek help without fear of reprisals in addition to prosecution.  

Polyamory does not make a mockery of monogamy.  It is merely another variation of interpersonal relationships.  The idea that any relationship configuration is superior or more morally attuned than another is mired in insecurity and a need to control wealth, land and women.  I do not bemoan you for your opinions nor your choice of monogamy however effectively practiced.  I have found a loving and supportive partnership and I could not for a moment consider living my life without either one of them.  I love them dearly and they have taught me what it is to have a healthy balanced loving relationship where all partners are supported and empowered to rise to the fullness of their potential.  I don't need to justify myself as I am proud to love my partners and grateful beyond expression that they have found it in their hearts to love me.  I intend to grow old with these men and I am confident that the future will be all that and more. My children have learned that love should and can be given and received with respect and integrity.  I have children of whom I am very proud and I work for a Canada that continues to be accepting and inclusive for them.

Polly Amorie


  1. Sigh. So much for "all the power to you." I'm so sorry you had to take this. Keep your chin up.

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  3. Unfortunately, I couldn't change the name of the poster. Spam. Delete. Remove Content. Are the only options and remove content only removed the comment not the poster's name etc. So I deleted your post. It was a nice one. More important is not to have a stalker. Take care.